May 2013
14 posts
My Dog's got a girlfriend and he hates that bitch.
May 19th
1 note
Developing a line of Nick Cave Stick-On Mustaches
May 16th
1 tag
May 16th
May 14th
4 tags
I'm working on a script for a movie staring Steve...
It’s a story about two men’s quest to pull a sword from a stone and become king of all the land. It will be called “Whose Rapier?” For the movie posters I’m going to hire a graphic artist who doesn’t know the proper possessive spelling of “Whose.”
May 13th
1 note
May 12th
5,928 notes
What do you do?
When you woke up with your fish dead, and you flush him, but very shortly realize that you also have to use the rest-room and have a really heavy conscience about doing so?
May 12th
3 notes
May 12th
8 notes
1 tag
May 12th
1 note
1 tag
May 12th
1 note
1 tag
May 12th
2 notes
Cooking bacon with my shirt off.
Like a man.
May 7th
2 notes
Cinco Fast Cinco Furious
Live it.
May 6th
2 tags
May 2nd
40 notes
April 2013
6 posts
“I only trust people who like big butts. Because, they cannot lie.”
– The Internet
Apr 24th
2 tags
List of things you can't do without a keyboard:
Play any worthwhile video game  -  It’s like being able to look at a warm  chocolate chip cookie straight from the oven, smelling its savory contents, but not being able to shove it in your mouth despite how hot it is, while getting chocolate all over your fingers and your pants somehow. Scratch your back with it  -  we all sometimes have an itch, that is difficult to scratch without...
Apr 24th
1 note
Apr 24th
40 notes
Apr 12th
11,137 notes
I really like "YEAH"
Like, in the Limp Bizkit kind of way.
Apr 7th
1 note
Apr 2nd
359 notes
March 2013
9 posts
1 tag
While reading last names in the opening credits of...
Fingerhut.
Mar 30th
8 notes
I am the bullgod.
Mar 26th
1 note
2 tags
Mar 23rd
4 notes
Mar 22nd
16 notes
1 tag
Mar 16th
2 notes
1 tag
Mar 16th
33,191 notes
Mar 13th
4,759 notes
When I tell the kids in lab "you can tell when...
whatisgeology: I did this in a class full of kids once, and it was gross, tangy and tasted like sand and metal. It also took like 10 minutes for the taste to go away. Just saying.
Mar 7th
201 notes
1000 Ball pit balls for my birthday in 7 months? →
Anyone? We have a spare room.
Mar 6th
February 2013
6 posts
1 tag
I found this awesome thing, that I'm pretty sure...
The other children stumbled over the rocks in the old quarry towards the huddled group.  I followed close behind fearing the worst. I could see Tiffany crying, already 9, the signs of age finally playing themselves on her face as she weeps. I think to myself “This can’t be good.” Fearing whatever it is they could’ve possibly done this time.  When the Russian mob started getting hit hard by the...
Feb 27th
2 notes
1 tag
Trolling
“Liking” Nickelback, when my friends forget to log out of Facebook.
Feb 27th
4 notes
2 tags
Feb 23rd
4 notes
2 tags
Feb 23rd
But.. why does it stop? →
Feb 2nd
Buying a Nautilus
But first I have to find a place to unpack it.
Feb 2nd
January 2013
13 posts
2 tags
Jan 25th
4 notes
Jan 24th
1 note
Jan 17th
5,801 notes
Avoid contact with people who have contagious...
Thanks, medication. Good thing I don’t work with children. Fuck.
Jan 16th
1 note
Jan 7th
1 tag
Jan 6th
2 notes
Jan 5th
2 tags
What does Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, 4 geologists, 2...
Our butts, tomorrow. That’s what.
Jan 5th
5 notes
Jan 4th
20,662 notes
dontcookbilly asked: Have you been invited to that science fair to judge, or are you just crashing it to make kids cry? I'm fine with both answers.
Jan 3rd
Jan 3rd
23 notes
1 tag
Jan 3rd
2 notes
2 tags
Gonna judge the fuck out of a high school science...
-100 points every time they forget to cite where they got information. -50 points for every kid who isn’t wearing a clever/hilarious science t-shirt. and -200 points for every kid whose parents did their project for them. +30 points if something died in the making of their project. Because I’m feeling that kind of metal.
Jan 3rd
11 notes
December 2012
22 posts
Magazines and Daddy Issues
Dec 31st
1 note
Dec 25th
5 notes