My Dog's got a girlfriend and he hates that bitch.
Developing a line of Nick Cave Stick-On Mustaches
I'm working on a script for a movie staring Steve...
It’s a story about two men’s quest to pull a sword from a stone and become king of all the land. It will be called “Whose Rapier?” For the movie posters I’m going to hire a graphic artist who doesn’t know the proper possessive spelling of “Whose.”
What do you do?
When you woke up with your fish dead, and you flush him, but very shortly realize that you also have to use the rest-room and have a really heavy conscience about doing so?
Cooking bacon with my shirt off.
Like a man.
Cinco Fast Cinco Furious
I only trust people who like big butts. Because, they cannot lie.– The Internet
List of things you can't do without a keyboard:
Play any worthwhile video game - It’s like being able to look at a warm chocolate chip cookie straight from the oven, smelling its savory contents, but not being able to shove it in your mouth despite how hot it is, while getting chocolate all over your fingers and your pants somehow. Scratch your back with it - we all sometimes have an itch, that is difficult to scratch without...
I really like "YEAH"
Like, in the Limp Bizkit kind of way.
While reading last names in the opening credits of...
I am the bullgod.
When I tell the kids in lab "you can tell when...
whatisgeology: I did this in a class full of kids once, and it was gross, tangy and tasted like sand and metal. It also took like 10 minutes for the taste to go away. Just saying.
1000 Ball pit balls for my birthday in 7 months? →
Anyone? We have a spare room.
I found this awesome thing, that I'm pretty sure...
The other children stumbled over the rocks in the old quarry towards the huddled group. I followed close behind fearing the worst. I could see Tiffany crying, already 9, the signs of age finally playing themselves on her face as she weeps. I think to myself “This can’t be good.” Fearing whatever it is they could’ve possibly done this time. When the Russian mob started getting hit hard by the...
“Liking” Nickelback, when my friends forget to log out of Facebook.
But.. why does it stop? →
Buying a Nautilus
But first I have to find a place to unpack it.
Avoid contact with people who have contagious...
Thanks, medication. Good thing I don’t work with children. Fuck.
What does Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, 4 geologists, 2...
Our butts, tomorrow. That’s what.
dontcookbilly asked: Have you been invited to that science fair to judge, or are you just crashing it to make kids cry? I'm fine with both answers.
Gonna judge the fuck out of a high school science...
-100 points every time they forget to cite where they got information. -50 points for every kid who isn’t wearing a clever/hilarious science t-shirt. and -200 points for every kid whose parents did their project for them. +30 points if something died in the making of their project. Because I’m feeling that kind of metal.
Magazines and Daddy Issues